right where it hurts.

Tonight one of my co-workers ultimately made me feel stupid for moving away from everything I've ever known.  Essentially it was something to the effect of well how are you going to meet people?  There were other comments and I eventually walked away from the conversation feeling terrible.  I don't need some punk at work who doesn't even know me to tell me I'm all alone.  Part of me wanted to burst into tears while the other part of me wanted to round house kick him in the mouth. 

Do I regret moving to Atlanta?  Of course I do sometimes especially with Thanksgiving this week and my mom calling to ask me how I always brine the turkey the night before or what I put in my cranberry relish that makes it the best, but then I think about everything I've learned about myself and there is no other way I would be me without all those challenges.  I feel like 5 years worth of struggle has happened since July and I can't believe that I made it through all of that and came out on the oother side as a stronger more aware me.

There are many misconceptions about this whole experience and I want to clarify some of those.  Some of my friends think that it's easy to meet people in a new city when you don't know a single person, like that I must be out making friends at the club or a bar.  I'm sorry but when was the last time you met a semi decent person at either one of those places when they didn't actually come with you?  Not to mention I highly doubt meeting coy girls or trashy guys will deeply affect my life to my benefit.  I mean really?  Then there's the church/volunteering idea, while I think this is more promising than the bar concept, I work in retail.  This means that I never get weekends off, two days off in a row, and work evenings a lot of the time.  I could see myself volunteering at a pit bull rescue, but I can't even watch the ASPCA commercials without crying, so I'm pretty sure I'd open a dog pound in my apartment if I tried volunteering...awful idea.

I am not writing this to sound pathetic and pull the sympathy card, please do not misunderstand me.  I am saying all this so that the next time you think you understand, think again.  I know this seems like a big mess of complaining and I get that but I'm just trying to describe how I feel.  The pain of feeling alone is greater than most people realize.  I say that because our society as a whole can't handle being alone.  We are constantly seeking the attention of others and their compnay even if it means staying in an unhealthy relationship instead of being single for a while.  I use the word alone and not lonely because I love myself and for the most part know who I am, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love to have friends to hang out with when I'm not working.  I don't want to be a work obsessed crazy person, but right now until something changes that seems like a nice thought.

So, even though my co-worker got me right where it hurts, I know that no matter what I am a strong, smart person who is determined to prove everyone wrong.