remember what your knees are for.

One thing I've recently discovered is that it's easy to say you are leaving something to God and another to actually do it.  I'm a control freak, everyone knows that about me.  Whether it's working in a group on a presentation, planning my day, or my relationships with the opposite sex, it's always the same with me.  I like to know what to expect and manage as much of my life as possible, maybe this is why prayer and relationships are my challenge.  I walk with God and I'd like to think that he waits by the phone for my call, but that's something I've been working at.
Through all of this scrambly mess with my move to Atlanta, I've learned more about myself in these past few months than I could have ever believed.  I've learned that no matter how hard I attempt to seal my fate, I need to leave the big and tiny things to a very powerful guy.  I need to continually work to not let my pride and OCD-ness mess all that up.  I've lost my job, although it was more of a resignation, and now I am back on the job hunt to find something to keep me afloat.  If it wasn't for my apartment lease I would already be at home in the remote corner of my parents backyard meditating with nature.  I went home for Labor Day and honestly forgot what it was like to drive down all the streets that I did when I was young and so green in everything.  Even though I haven't been in ATL long, it's kind of one of those things where you have to stand back to see back into something else.

I miss everything about home.  I miss the smell, the people, and even the things I thought I never would like the only stoplight in the county, etc.  But all of this aside and without complication, meditation and pray are saving my life and letting me loosen the grip I have on myself.  Life is so full of twists and turns and unexpected backdoors so it's hard plan for a dinner guest when you never know who it will be.  So I'm saying my prayers that something will come my way if I get on my knees, swallow my control, take a deep breath, and pray that everything works out, whether that is here in my lonely apartment or in my parents backyard.