change is a good thing.

So, a lot has changed since I last posted.  First of all, I got offered an awesome job and I start on October 4th.  Maybe all the hell that I went through when I first moved down here to Atlanta will pay off.  I also seem to be moving out of my depression slump and into a state of inspiration and organization.  I think I may even look into organizations to join to get me out of the house and into the public, yes this is progress for me.  I am a major homebody, not in the strange bed sore way but in the perfection organization way.  There always seems like there is something to move around or clean, but maybe all of that can wait for a while.

Also, I recently got some satisfaction from one of my former flames.  Every girl has one, you know the guy that breaks your heart, causes pain with lies, then dates a girl in your circle of friends, shoves it in your face, then doesn't have the time to even acknowledge that you exist, and causes drama for you when you clearly aren't in high school any longer.  Well, mine did all of the above then some so today when he contacted me via facebook I was surprised to say the least.  Not only have I not spoken to him since January, but he just got married last week to the girl he was spending time with when he was still calling me on a semi-regular basis when we were "working things out".  What did he have to say you may ask? He had two things to discuss...he apologized then asked for my help, well actually my dad's help to get him into active duty.  Yes, you read that right, he only half apologized in reality and over 8 months late with strings attached. 

My response was witty and probably partly uncalled, but you know life is too short for people to think they can walk all over you like you don't matter.  People and their feelings, time, and actions are not disposable.  I am not someone that is going to just lay down on the tracks and wait for the train to blow through. Think again.  But in the end, I am not a hateful person, do not wish ill feelings on anyone, but that does not mean that I am going to sit back and let you expose and manipulate my weakness.  Sorry, but I am not an idiot, and believe it or not since you (my ex) I have heightened my radar on douchebag.  Shoutout to my friends, Rachel, Hallie, Linzie, and Megan who understand and laughed with me at my response.  Nothing like getting your life in order and loving your life to be the best revenge possible.

So, needless to say things in Atlanta are looking up and I'm all smiles these days.

revolution.

All of you that know me, know that I am completely captivated by The Beatles, heck I have a framed print of Abbey Road in my living room.  I was listening to some of their music like I often do and thought about change and our nation's current economic situation.  Our history as a country seems to reflect that when our citizens are unemployed and our government's infrastructure is failing us we rise up.  I'm not talking about radical concepts or unrealistic madness, just young people demanding more for their lives and existence.  The Beatles were far out that's for sure, but we need a revolution. 

We need for the arts to be born again in an age where everything is computer and technology driven.  We need to be teaching independent thinking to our young people with an emphasis on literature, music, and actually polishing a craft in its purist form.  I believe until our citizens feel intellectually attached to one another we will be filling ourselves with bigger houses, greater credit card debt, and even perhaps less of a fish swimming upstream.  I feel like we need a rebirth into the very core of ourselves.  We need to slow down and be captivated by nature, not always have to have a strict day planner, and read about issues we don't understand. 

The 1970s were a crazy time of rebellion within the young human spirit in this country who wanted more that what they were supposed to believe.  I do realize the drug culture was a HUGE part of this era and I do not pretend to fully understand it because clearly I wasn't there, however the point still stands.  Thinking independently and believing in something is really all it takes to start a wave of progression.  If you look back through history and every great change that took place whether that is women's rights or the civil rights movement, everything seems to happen during financial struggle or wartime or both.

I think we should stop swiping our credit cards and start visiting the library.  We as the young generation have been given many names and have been told that we are lazier than our fathers and don't know much, but that's ludicrous.  The problem is everyone wants change but doesn't want to be the one to do it.  I'm not suggesting we start selling our possessions and travel across the world in vans living off the land, but we can all start leading by example.  This means education in areas that are unfamiliar and opening your mind to things foreign.  My four loves, said it best.  Here are the lyrics to The Beatles song Revolution:

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
Ah
ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
all right, all right, all right
all right, all right, all right

marriage? oh yea. that thing that everybody's doing now.

Maybe it's just me and the small corner of the world that I live in, but it seems like EVERYONE is getting married or is already.  I realize that I just graduated college and that's what people do when they are "madly" in love with one another.  I said "madly" because I question the thoughtfulness of some couples to jump in and not get through the honeymoon, I think you're simply wonderful stage.

I also realize this whole post is my criticism because as we all know I am the perpetual single girl whose last two serious boyfriends got married to the girl they started dating after me, yes, true story.  Who is to say that if the roles were not reversed I would be telling you about my new wonderful husband. However I'd like to think that I've learned enough from failure to not jump into the deep end first, but once again who can be so sure?

All the wedding planning, dress shopping, cake tasting, invite mailing, and shower throwing mayhem has got me thinking about divorce and the huge commitment that is marriage.  Many of the people I know haven't even been with the one they're with for over a year before they have decided to take the plunge.  While I am so happy for my loved ones, I still hope they've thought about the marriage and not the wedding.  In our society it's easy to get caught up in everything for the moment and not think for the long run.  This is a marathon here people, not a sprint, so stop being Usain Bolt out there and start being more like Betty White.

Stop racing to the alter and start sauntering.

remember what your knees are for.

One thing I've recently discovered is that it's easy to say you are leaving something to God and another to actually do it.  I'm a control freak, everyone knows that about me.  Whether it's working in a group on a presentation, planning my day, or my relationships with the opposite sex, it's always the same with me.  I like to know what to expect and manage as much of my life as possible, maybe this is why prayer and relationships are my challenge.  I walk with God and I'd like to think that he waits by the phone for my call, but that's something I've been working at.
Through all of this scrambly mess with my move to Atlanta, I've learned more about myself in these past few months than I could have ever believed.  I've learned that no matter how hard I attempt to seal my fate, I need to leave the big and tiny things to a very powerful guy.  I need to continually work to not let my pride and OCD-ness mess all that up.  I've lost my job, although it was more of a resignation, and now I am back on the job hunt to find something to keep me afloat.  If it wasn't for my apartment lease I would already be at home in the remote corner of my parents backyard meditating with nature.  I went home for Labor Day and honestly forgot what it was like to drive down all the streets that I did when I was young and so green in everything.  Even though I haven't been in ATL long, it's kind of one of those things where you have to stand back to see back into something else.

I miss everything about home.  I miss the smell, the people, and even the things I thought I never would like the only stoplight in the county, etc.  But all of this aside and without complication, meditation and pray are saving my life and letting me loosen the grip I have on myself.  Life is so full of twists and turns and unexpected backdoors so it's hard plan for a dinner guest when you never know who it will be.  So I'm saying my prayers that something will come my way if I get on my knees, swallow my control, take a deep breath, and pray that everything works out, whether that is here in my lonely apartment or in my parents backyard.