everyday is a winding road.

Just as Sheryl Crow said everyday is a winding road, life is full of crazy ups and rock bottom downs. Having the ability to manage both, in the end takes much juggling and balance. Enjoying great days when everything seems perfect is easy for most, but when those days aren't so glamorous the gloves come off. Enduring those terrible days makes you appreciate those that are wonderful even more. So are we happy for the sake of happiness or happy simply because we aren't sad?

With two weeks left until graduation, most would think these last weeks are full of bliss.....for the record they are not. In fact I would dare to say that they are more hell-acious than ever, with their last minute papers, assignments, and approximately a million exams. Not to mention all the packing, last minute lunch/dinner dates with friends, and job searching so one can actually survive after college. Oh the joys of graduation...

On the one hand, how exciting it is to start a new chapter and set out on an adventure into the scary unknown, yet on the other because there is truly so much to do it is hard to fully relish in the accomplishment. Have I really worked so hard these past four years to be so bogged down in school work that I view graduation as more of a relief instead of a reason for celebration? But then again, after those last final exams are taken and all those boxes are packed you can bet to see me do a celebration dance of sorts.

College has been a roller coaster full of screeching halts and set backs but has also been a time to relish in the moment and throw your hands up. Having gone through the rough patches and days like today when all seems unbearable, makes me appreciate the days as a freshman when things were carefree and effortless.

People that say college is hard are understating greatly, but in the end it is all worth it because I've been promised an ice cream cake with my name on it.

love is all you need.

Living in the sun is a beautiful feeling. When you wear a smile it just seems that life is better and richer for you and the people in your life. But, what happens when you smile because it's expected and not entirely how you feel? Is that self preservation or merely self denial?

Maybe we put a wall up not only to protect ourselves but to also see who is extraordinary enough to climb over and rescue us. I am not implying that people need to be rescued but maybe by testing others we can make a judgment about our self. When you hand over your heart to some stranger on the street and it breaks you move on questioning how well you actually knew that person. But, when you let someone see the real you and get burned its more detrimental than ever. Letting someone see your insides and the core of your being is more frightening than anything else, so what makes the luck of the draw actually worth it? When you figure it out, feel free to let me know.

Protect your smile and never let others see you frown unless they love your insides. Chances are if they appreciate your core then they won't be the one making you frown. They can be the one to turn it around.

life is a highway.

It's been said that life is a highway, but life is really just a big adventure with twists and turns. Graduating college has been the scariest sharp curve in my journey so far. Although I do not graduate for another 3 ish weeks, I feel as if I am almost ready to get off at the next exit. Where my life will go, I have no idea. What I will do, who knows? Who I will become over the course of my journey, well I suppose we will see.

With all the change ahead it is easy to see how people end up going nowhere or staying in the same place. Making a life for yourself is about taking chances and adapting when things don't always work out. Relocating is sometimes challenging for graduates as well. Limiting yourself to one specific area is definately no way to market yourself and increase your opportunity.

I want it all. A successful career that I have worked for, a home to call my own, and a story that ties it all together. I want an adventure. You know what I am talking about, the kind you read in books or see on the silver screen. I don't want glamour or frills just a novel of experiences that will shape me into myself. I can not wait to see what lies on the other side of this very abrupt turn, but one thing is for sure. I will take in the scenery, explore the territory, and enjoy my journey for all it is worth.

when the petals fall.

For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.

I believe in few things: friendship, unconditional love, laughter, healing, beauty in the heart of all people, and inconvenient lasso-me-the-moon love (the kind you feel down deep). The troubling part is determining what is unconditional love where you deeply care about a person and the other kind you can't stop thinking about. Even so, can one kind ever turn into the other?

I know myself pretty well and these things I know for sure: I put everything I have into anything I do especially relationships, I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's easily broken, I attempt to guard my emotions but I am easily figured out, and I love everyone in my life. The dilemma for me is guarding my heart and letting love in at the same time. How to tell the authentic from the fakes? Impossible.

Friendship is a precious kind of relationship. The kind that in rare cases comes from common interests, even if that stems from a previously failed relationship with that person. But when you've been intimate with someone is it ever possible to just be friends and out of the grey area? In some situations sure, but in mine...not recently. Caring about someone in an extreme way isn't about wanting the other person to return the feelings, but down deep there is always the hope that something will happen. Recently, my best friend told me that she had realized I loved one of the guys that I had a failed relationship with. In my bones I knew she was right, but admitting it to myself would make it real and that would mean that my heart was open. How dangerous it is to be vulnerable to someone you have history with.

History is knowing everything that happened before and hoping that somehow things could be different under different circumstances. I know myself and I thought I knew him, but maybe in the midst of my emotions I lost the one thing I know about myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

There are few things I am sure of and most include love and recognizing it, but for now I need to keep my skeletons in the closet where I've buried my emotions