too much in my head.

We've had a good bit of snow and ice these past few days here in Atlanta, which means I haven't been to work and I've basically been a shut in for almost three days.  I am not complaining because it has been great to not have to work and relax for a while, but I have been suffering from cabin fever.  Not that I am used to going out and doing a bunch of things in my free time, but not being able to made me want to just drive around and get out of my teeny apartment.  I love living in this city, but we all realize I can be quite the home body.  I don't mean to, but it is truly weird to be in a big, busy place and feel completely alone.  Before you start thinking I am ridiculously pathetic, don't.  Since I've been stuck in the house due to the weather, I've been pondering more than usual. 

I hate feeling this way and having literally no friends other than my co-workers.  And while I admit that I adore the people I work with, they aren't exactly people I would do things with socially.  I miss my friends and all my fabulous sorority sisters, and I think it is finally starting to get to me.  I try to stay busy with work which shouldn't be hard, but I want more out of my life here in ATL.  One of the biggest drawbacks to working in retail is the weird hours and different schedule every week.  I think I am too much of a planner to do this forever, I like routine and yes I realize how lame that is to say.

I hope one of these days I can finally get out of my head and stop feeling unsatisfied with my personal life.  All of this is so foreign to me because the last four years I have been surrounded by more people than I knew what to do with, and now the exact opposite is happening.  It makes me wonder...how did I get here?  How did I get to this place when I thought this was what I wanted?  I thought I wanted a fresh start and part of me is glad to have had just that but the other fraction of myself is crying inside. 

I know all of this will change when I move out of the apartment and into the townhouse in a few months, so I am trying to be patient.  Once we close on the property next month I know I will stay busy with cleaning it up and painting everything, but until then I am just going to have to man up and manage.

In the words of sweet Taylor Swift whom I can not stand, "you're tied together with a smile, but you're coming undone."

all the love in the world.

Sometimes people hide their heart whether that is from their family, friends, or the opposite sex, but why?  Is it self preservation or self destruction?  Most argue that by containing their emotions and never revealing one's true self that they are able to maintain a sense of poise and control.  But I believe pure, consuming love is the exact opposite.  Love is the act of complete wrecklessness and is anything but selfish.  Afterall, just like Thomas Aquinas said, love takes up where knowledge leaves off.  That being said, let's start losing our minds and opening ourselves to the possibility of something foreign.

Of course with everything most of us are comfortable jsut staying in our small predictable circle where everything is orderly and has reason, but what's to be so afraid of?  Everything.  I am just like the next person, I am terrified at the thought of letting someone inside my head, let alone my heart.  The idea of someone knowing all your teeny tiny intricacies and loving you anyways sounds like utter bliss.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. - 1st John 4:18

Maybe we all spend so much time trying to protect ourselves that we forget what we should be doing with our feelings because by keeping all of that love in not only are we driving ourselves, but the world as well.