What you are comes to you. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote is exactly where I am right now, waiting for it to all come to me. I am just going to try my best to set myself up for happiness in my career and wellness.
Its back to working out and pushing it so I can feel like myself again. Ever since the move things have been weird, but that's about to change. I will still be cooking and recipe testing as I always am, but in moderation and with the addition of more regular exercise. Life is way too beautiful to spend it unhappy in your shell. I need my full confidence back, I call that the wonder woman feeling.
I am also considering a job/career change. As much as I adore my sweet coworkers, I need something else. Working in customer service/sales is so stressful it makes my brain spin. Getting paid to be a doormat to a person's problem and anger makes for a really long day and I want my weekends back. It would be awesome to have two days off a week that are the same as everyone else, including the boyfriend and family. I have dreams about what it would be like to go home to Tennessee on a long weekend or make breakfast for my sweetie on a Sunday. I am also looking for something that will get me in the door with the potential for advancement. I also would like to work into something with holiday time off too, that would make me so happy. How wonderful would it be to go home for Christmas? The whole idea makes me want to cry honestly.
I am not going to get my hopes up but in the end everything works out the way it is supposed to, it always has and I have no reason to believe that that would change. I am just going to put myself out there, keep my eyes open, and say my prayers that whatever should happen will. In the meantime I plan to love my life, treasure the time I do have to spend with the ones I love, and go in the way of my dreams.
Part of me believes that if I can get a job that is less stressful and more routine, that I would be about to spend more time on all of my beloved side projects....knitting, cooking, sewing, blogging, writing my novella, and anything else I want to do. Those are the things that pump blood in my heart, and I can't imagine my life being complete without those things. I am at a transitional stage and ironically its starting to become fall.
Ohhhh chhhhanges...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
four months ish really...
I can not believe its been nearly four months since I have written. It seems like this time has just gone by without my knowing but yet so much has happened. Where to begin...
I finally moved into the new house. Even though I am still fixing and decorating different parts of it the whole thing has been amazing. It has been like a huge weight has been lifted off me and now I actually have room to spread my wings. I have over double the space, the serenity of a peaceful neighborhood, and a place I can truly relish in. My house is painted just how I want it and I am in the process of hanging the remaining items on the walls. Chloe also loves the new place. Its amazing how wonderful it is to see her relaxed and not stressfully scurrying around. I know this will help with the management of her disease as well and I love that.
Since the end of April I have also been able to cease with the online dating fiasco. All in all I had a lovely experience only filled with some awkward dates here and there. I honestly hadn't met anyone I could think about seeing regularly until I did. There have been guys with priority issues, no chemistry, and even the occasional wrist watch watcher. I have been dating the same guy now for almost two months. I think it's been that long, as one can see my time perception is a bit out of whack, but that's my best estimation. He is a complete doll and is easy to be around. I look forward to seeing him at the end of my week when our schedules allow and often find myself missing him when I know better than to this early.
I have also done a bit of traveling since I last put my fingers to the keys. I went with family to New York City at the end of May for a week and it was amazing. I am completely mesmerized by that city and still have the ambition to live there on a temporary 1-3 year term. I would love the experience of living in a city like that and don't even batt an eye at how daunting that could become. I mainly just want to be able to attend Yankee games and Central Park on a regular basis, but who can blame me? I also recently got back from a week long trip to St. Petersburg (Redington Shores) in Florida with my mom and Blaine. My parents bought a "beach" house there in April and it is truly a haven. I say "beach" house because it is not on the beach per say, but the beach instead is across the street, terrible locale I know. I really needed a week to recharge and it was wonderful doing nothing but the beach and reading all day from underneath a massive umbrella. We also lucked out because the Yankees were playing the Rays while we were there so we went to three out of four of the games in the series. I had a blast. The best part of all this is that I have my own key to the beach house and it is only about seven hours from ATL, making it the perfect trip to bliss. My new sweetie and I will be enjoying Labor Day there and oddly enough my parents will be there as well. Here's to a couples retreat...
I also celebrated my year anniversary of living in Atlanta on July 4th weekend. It was bittersweet of course. I don't regret my moving down here and away from everything I have ever known, but somewhere in the back of my heart I thought I would be in a different place. It is hard to believe that nothing has changed yet everything has at the same time. I don't know where I thought I would be or what I thought I would be doing but it never works out that way. Sometimes I thank GOD that it isn't the way I imagined...where would I be if I relied solely on my mind and wisdom, probably up a creek with no paddle.
All the little things along the way that seem pointless really do mean something in the end. Afterall, like I always try to tell myself, all the little things are really big things in disguise. Maybe, I dreamt I would be working for a magazine going on exotic field trips across the globe and writing for my supper. Although that's my dream and I know in the very core of my being that I will one day be so unhappy with everything not concerned with writing that it will eventually provide a life for me, that day has not come yet. I have to learn more, experience more, see more, love more, then maybe the universe will kick me a bone. It's ironic how things are kinda like that...like all those battered and agonizing relationships I put myself through maybe have shown me what I deserve and how much I can give a person. Maybe it's too soon to think all that, but maybe going "balls to the walls" as my sister would say is the only way to discover new depths in my career, relationship, well being, and soul. In the end, well I will let ya know.
Every wall is a door. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
I finally moved into the new house. Even though I am still fixing and decorating different parts of it the whole thing has been amazing. It has been like a huge weight has been lifted off me and now I actually have room to spread my wings. I have over double the space, the serenity of a peaceful neighborhood, and a place I can truly relish in. My house is painted just how I want it and I am in the process of hanging the remaining items on the walls. Chloe also loves the new place. Its amazing how wonderful it is to see her relaxed and not stressfully scurrying around. I know this will help with the management of her disease as well and I love that.
Since the end of April I have also been able to cease with the online dating fiasco. All in all I had a lovely experience only filled with some awkward dates here and there. I honestly hadn't met anyone I could think about seeing regularly until I did. There have been guys with priority issues, no chemistry, and even the occasional wrist watch watcher. I have been dating the same guy now for almost two months. I think it's been that long, as one can see my time perception is a bit out of whack, but that's my best estimation. He is a complete doll and is easy to be around. I look forward to seeing him at the end of my week when our schedules allow and often find myself missing him when I know better than to this early.
I have also done a bit of traveling since I last put my fingers to the keys. I went with family to New York City at the end of May for a week and it was amazing. I am completely mesmerized by that city and still have the ambition to live there on a temporary 1-3 year term. I would love the experience of living in a city like that and don't even batt an eye at how daunting that could become. I mainly just want to be able to attend Yankee games and Central Park on a regular basis, but who can blame me? I also recently got back from a week long trip to St. Petersburg (Redington Shores) in Florida with my mom and Blaine. My parents bought a "beach" house there in April and it is truly a haven. I say "beach" house because it is not on the beach per say, but the beach instead is across the street, terrible locale I know. I really needed a week to recharge and it was wonderful doing nothing but the beach and reading all day from underneath a massive umbrella. We also lucked out because the Yankees were playing the Rays while we were there so we went to three out of four of the games in the series. I had a blast. The best part of all this is that I have my own key to the beach house and it is only about seven hours from ATL, making it the perfect trip to bliss. My new sweetie and I will be enjoying Labor Day there and oddly enough my parents will be there as well. Here's to a couples retreat...
I also celebrated my year anniversary of living in Atlanta on July 4th weekend. It was bittersweet of course. I don't regret my moving down here and away from everything I have ever known, but somewhere in the back of my heart I thought I would be in a different place. It is hard to believe that nothing has changed yet everything has at the same time. I don't know where I thought I would be or what I thought I would be doing but it never works out that way. Sometimes I thank GOD that it isn't the way I imagined...where would I be if I relied solely on my mind and wisdom, probably up a creek with no paddle.
All the little things along the way that seem pointless really do mean something in the end. Afterall, like I always try to tell myself, all the little things are really big things in disguise. Maybe, I dreamt I would be working for a magazine going on exotic field trips across the globe and writing for my supper. Although that's my dream and I know in the very core of my being that I will one day be so unhappy with everything not concerned with writing that it will eventually provide a life for me, that day has not come yet. I have to learn more, experience more, see more, love more, then maybe the universe will kick me a bone. It's ironic how things are kinda like that...like all those battered and agonizing relationships I put myself through maybe have shown me what I deserve and how much I can give a person. Maybe it's too soon to think all that, but maybe going "balls to the walls" as my sister would say is the only way to discover new depths in my career, relationship, well being, and soul. In the end, well I will let ya know.
Every wall is a door. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday, April 4, 2011
grey area.
I see most things in black and white and absolutes, but not my relationships with people. People can't just be lumped into two categories. There is grey area involved. I am talking about loving a person deeply regardless of everything else. Whether that person gossips too much, is having a child with someone you used to care about, isn't always reliable, or has more baggage than you do. It is easy to write people off and out of your life because things get messy or don't look like what you thought they would, but that is no reason to stop caring.
Grey area is gross and can sometimes lead to pain. Whether that is from standing up for something or from backing down, depending on the situation. But if you look at things in a black and white telescope you may miss the shooting star. There is no guarantee with anything, and who would want it that way? People may hurt you and you may hurt others, but if everyone played it safe would there be anything worth risking for?
Friendship is precious and unlike anything else, because it forgives. You can't escape the blood of your family, but the bonds of your friends that is something entirely different. Friendship is not something you ask for but something that is given because that kind of love runs deeper and purer than any other kind. This kind of love doesn't make you blind to wrong doing, but instead lets you choose to forgive and accept if you must. Sometimes when you feel lost in yourself, a friend is there to pick you up and bring you back when you forgot how truly fabulous you were. It's calling someone when you know they've had a bad day and not quitting when they say they're fine. True friendship is laying in a soybean field with your friend and spilling your insides about issues you would dare to speak to anyone else. Remember, a friend is someone who knows you're smiling even in the dark.
So why throw those people away when they disappoint you in some way and don't fit into one of two categories? The people you love are not disposable, they should be cherished, because of course it won't all go the way it should, but in the end the very center of our existence, now that's good.
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
-John Mayer
Grey area is gross and can sometimes lead to pain. Whether that is from standing up for something or from backing down, depending on the situation. But if you look at things in a black and white telescope you may miss the shooting star. There is no guarantee with anything, and who would want it that way? People may hurt you and you may hurt others, but if everyone played it safe would there be anything worth risking for?
Friendship is precious and unlike anything else, because it forgives. You can't escape the blood of your family, but the bonds of your friends that is something entirely different. Friendship is not something you ask for but something that is given because that kind of love runs deeper and purer than any other kind. This kind of love doesn't make you blind to wrong doing, but instead lets you choose to forgive and accept if you must. Sometimes when you feel lost in yourself, a friend is there to pick you up and bring you back when you forgot how truly fabulous you were. It's calling someone when you know they've had a bad day and not quitting when they say they're fine. True friendship is laying in a soybean field with your friend and spilling your insides about issues you would dare to speak to anyone else. Remember, a friend is someone who knows you're smiling even in the dark.
So why throw those people away when they disappoint you in some way and don't fit into one of two categories? The people you love are not disposable, they should be cherished, because of course it won't all go the way it should, but in the end the very center of our existence, now that's good.
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good
-John Mayer
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